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An Ugly Equal Family

by PWRUP

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1.
So many people not like me HOLD US DOWN Everything in front of me HOLDS US DOWN Signs of impropriety HOLD US DOWN. So many tired and weak to breathe HOLD US DOWN Invisible hand that makes a fist Circumstance involuntary born to eat shit Guilty of no instinct for survival A tragedy we’ve seen too many times Alone and trying not to freeze 10 years old and 10 degrees Sentenced to death for her crimes So many people not like me TO HOLD DOWN Our virtuous society TO HOLD DOWN The bell curve says to stay in line TO HOLD DOWN Conquering is not a crime TO HOLD DOWN Everything has a place and this one’s mine Corner office vassal steadfast feudal hive mind Privileged with means at his arrival A strategy we’ve seen too many times CEO at 22 “If I can do it, so can you! It’s my turn so get in line!”
2.
Self Made 03:42
Everyone I know has some reason to hate themselves A reason to debase themselves A reason not to get out of bed (But we do) x4 Even though sometimes we wish we were dead And I know I know We all have thoughts of suicide And I know I know We all keep choosing to survive Live or die, give up or try Decisions that no one is able to make except for you The choices we’ve made survive us We mustn’t forget what we’ll leave behind us There is no simple way to stop the sadness We all just teeter on the edge of madness Looking for different ways to subvert pain Until we’re able to feel good again But when happiness takes too long to come Sinking feeling of despair growing just too strong The past a monster that you can’t outrace Mirror’s reflection shows a stranger’s face I never wanted to feel this way again Never wanted to disappoint my friends I want to thrive, not just survive But I have sure taken my time Realizing bad decisions Consequences always building By the time you realize you won’t change You’ve become everything you hate The choices we make define us We mustn’t forget that the past is behind us I don’t really want to die I want to (want to) be alive I want to feel the same way I used to feel every day So much potential, so much road ahead of me But then I tripped, fell down, and got back up again Fell down and got back up again Tripped, fell down, and got back up again Fell down and got back up again Fell down, stayed down Watched everyone pass as I laid on the ground And now I’ve been here for so long The choices we make confine us The passage of time is what resigns us If life is a game I feel I’ve already lost But nothing is gained if I give the board a toss There are plenty of reasons to play other than win At least that’s what I’m selling myself
3.
ORBL 03:26
Just heard the news today oh boy Three thousand dead and thousands more to blame But you can't always trust the news It's just a mindless fishing game Where the captain owns a mansion And the skipper drives a Porsche And at night they play canasta And they think of what's gone wrong As they silently float There once was a chance When the sun rose up To fly over the sea Where Eden's waiting for me The shoreline opens its eyes With brilliant rays of light It warms the flesh and soul And the cycle begins again Back to where we began As if a moth to the light He was drawn to the night Where substance makes him numb The captain takes a pail As the skipper takes his fill As we're waiting out the storm And the skipper thinks that life Is to short for all this strife As he writes his portfolio And the captain takes a stand As he has nothing to lose Only wearing his own shoes And he says all engines on And all phasers set to stun At the edge of the world There once was a chance When the sun rose up To fly over the sea Where Eden's waiting for me The shoreline opens its eyes With brilliant rays of light It warms the flesh and soul And the cycle begins again Back to where we began As if a moth to the light He was drawn to the night Where substance makes him numb
4.
Soldier On 01:39
they're gonna take your rights away they're gonna take your life away they'll weigh you down and mask your face you should reach up into the sky if you're released than you can fly you'll be shot down and kept in place how much more can we take im crying and i don't why i'm fine you'll be equal just like me some more equal than can be an ugly equal family these problems won't just go away no matter how many you slay how many hurt before you see radio designed to stop hate im crying and i don't why They'll hold us down so they won't drown
5.
King Kong 04:31
I wasn't born to work no shit job from 9 to 5 Just to be able to afford to stay alive More and more I feel like everything’s the god damn same When did I wake up and realize my life is a losing game Growing up is a strange dichotomy Idealism in a failing economy Always caught up in fear and doubt The worst part of growing up is showing up Beyond that it’s a never ending story of Dying from the inside out They’re drowning in oil They’re drowning in cash Well I’m drowning myself in ass I’m drowning in whisky I’m drowning in blunts Well I’m drowning myself, so what Adulthood is a strange dichotomy Alcohol addiction and the person that I want to be Asking am I down for the count The hardest part of living it up is giving it up Beyond that it’s a never ending story of Dying from the inside out I can’t sit down, I can’t stand up Bartender please refill my cup Hey Mr. Cosgrove, put me in For karaoke, Don’t Stop Believing I fucked it up again I lost another friend I need another drink I fucked it up again
6.
I may not be the men I've been I'm still responsible for them All of the hatred and the spite I've let myself let out ain't right And there's no way to put it back Small kindnesses are good and cute But won't erase the poison spewed From monsters I couldn't subdue I speak as though I rose above Transcended muck and have become A better person than I am However bad or good I feel It won't change those who've had to deal With my toxic proximity Am I the man I want to be? The time has long passed for accountability I keep on doing shitty things For all the consequence they bring Waiting for the other shoe to drop I'm a certain someone in my head But he won't matter when I'm dead To the world at large he'll never be Because the man I am inside Means shit all when I still decide To fuck up someone else's day To believe that I can redeem Past actions is a fever dream One I'll no longer entertain What have I become? What do I do now?
7.
Karate Chunk 04:52
hold the line we're out of time the battle's wake center fades the poles reversing for lifetimes separate ancient fabric soaked in lye hypocrites salt the earth with a sigh brother can you spare a 'will to power' paradigm can we make peace with our crimes short memories will whine and flail and Pendulums will sway will our mistakes seal our fate It's time for falling down briefcase brown arms stretched high children make the piles of men reach the sky separate deafening lord of flies delicate turns of phrase will give rise purity never free sing with me anyone anymore so we will never get sing with me so we will never get one more chance discussion hellfire depression backpedal repression safety systemic recompense (one more chance) weapons banners ballistics hospitals Tradition tentpoles Depression manifest This is not our best One more chance, ONE MORE CHANCE hold the line we're out of time reversing for lifetimes soaked in lye salt the earth with a sigh the piles of men reach the sky one more chance (ONE MORE CHANCE)

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released December 13, 2018

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PWRUP Agawam, Massachusetts

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