I feel everything I’ve ever felt all at once, all the time Where is my mind?
Everything that I regret, it passes by Moments in time, I hit myself with this
bludgeoning is comforting, familiar and safe Reminds me not to make mistakes
My private penance waits for me, self indulgence Castigation: The Simulation
The things I’ve said and done are locked in perpetuity
The one person I can’t forgive is me
This guilt i feel won’t pay anyone back for what I gave
Psychic debt bankrupts you just the same
All my dots are disconnected I feel totally fine
At least until these chemicals are out of my mind
And then I’m back again I’m there I’m then I’m everywhere
I’ve harmed someone through poor decision
I try and keep all of this hate inside
I’m a rusty trash receptacle conceding to time
Remember me to one who’s from my past
Who has reaped me from their life and hasn’t ever looked back
All of these scenes from my life torment me unendingly
The price I pay for having been myself
Imperfect record skipping back and forth through time and space
False knight with infinite windmills to face
I built this prison in my mind
I’m serving life behind my eyes
Maybe if i figure out how to unring these bells
I can learn how not to hate myself
Cycled through my grievances, one by one
Cataloged by catastrophics, and I just can’t give them up
Cause I’ll never be good enough for the life I wanted
Buried in self condolence, swallowed by disappointment
Hanging onto my regrets, focused on all of my negatives
And I wonder: Is this all we’re meant to be?
The past, a place so tempting for my mind to want to be
I wish i could stop wishing, transcend this misery
But if i put this down, If i let all this shit go
What kind of person would I be?
credits
from They Bartholomule / Castigation: The Simulation,
released September 19, 2023
Tracked between 2019 and 2023 by Brian Westbrook at Sonic Titan Studios and by Jeff Sabola at The Beet Lab
Edited and Mixed by Brian Westbrook in August 2023
Mastered by Jay Maas in September 2023
Lyrics by Justin Belden, Aaron Hibbert, and Joe Scala
Additional vocals by Jay Selvaggio, Joe Scala, and Liz Fackelman
Saxophones by Eric Fazzini
Organ by Chris Ruckus
All other music by PWRUP
PWRUP Logo by Michael Bracco at Spaghetti Kiss
Full album coming October 2023 on Ska Punk International
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